The Beginning

A gush of blood and water, a woman's cries echoing the cries of the slippery, birth covered newborn child placed in her hands, the beginning of life, or is it? Is that first breath when life begins, those first months are a mystery to all, we exist in a world where we function merely on instincts, the only knowledge of those early days are related to us from the memories of someone else. If not then, when does our life begin? Is it with our first memory? Is that truly 

The Beginning?

She grew up in a large family, one of eleven.  By the time she was old enough to remember, three of her siblings had already left home to start lives of their own. 

Growing up in such a large family definitely had its advantages, there was always someone to play with, growing up one of triplets, had even greater advantages, she was never without a playmate her own age. 

Being the only girl that didn’t look just like her Mama, that was definitely not an advantage.  It wasn’t that her mama wasn’t good to her, she just wasn’t very interested  in her, she would dote on her two siblings, both with their Mama’s red hair, but she looked like her papa, and for some reason, from a very young age, she knew, looking like Papa wasn’t a good thing.

Papa on the other hand, well he adored her, he showered her with love.  She was his only raven haired daughter, the rest had either gotten their mama’s red hair,  except for the sister that took after ancestors a couple generations before, she had brown hair, Mama seemed ok with brown hair, just not black. 

She didn’t remember much about her Mama and Papa back then, but she did remember the fights, she never can quite remember what they were about, she just remembers how frightening their voices were, how frightened she would be when she saw it. 

As the years passed by, more of her siblings left home to start lives of their own, she remembers how quiet the house would feel each time one of them left, everything would become so still, as if the house itself was mourning the loss of another child.

As she grew older, she came to realize what her Papa and Mama fought so much about, and it hurt her to hear that sometimes it was over her.  Papa was her hero, always her champion against Mama, but she didn't want to make them fight, she wanted them to love each other, like the parents on the television did. 

When her sister announced that she was going to start ballet classes, she asked her Mama if she could join as well, "Khalisee you just don't have the body or the grace for it dear, you are too much like your Papa, you are better off just trying to stay out trouble, trying to learn to be a good girl so you don't end up like him!"

It puzzled her, how was her Papa a bad man? He took good care of all of them, he was always going away to work, and sometimes he would bring them back cool things that he said clients didn't want.  She wondered how was she supposed to not turn out like him, if she didn't even understand how he was bad?